Welcome to my Blog.

About me.

I'm Kirsty. A perfectly normal 30-something. I have three kids, two dogs, graduated university with a degree in midwifery, struggle to maintain a long term relationship. Basically, I am just a normal kinda gal. There's nothing special about me, nothing that makes me stand out from a crowd (apart from some rather loud hair colours when the urge takes me), I just blend into the crowd.

 

So what makes me think I am special enough to write a blog that people may be interested in reading?

 

Well, that's a fair question. And somehow you have found yourself here through a link, google search, or just bad luck!

 

See, I suffer from panic disorder and agoraphobia. And not mild panic disorder either. But full blown, public meltdown style panic disorder. I was encouraged to start writing this by a few people. Its not something I have done before, so bear with me whilst I get that hang of it.

 

I put a post up on Facebook last night. This was following a very public panic attack, that saw me walking around B&Q, with tears streaming down my face. Not caring remotely about what any one there may have thought. You can view that post here.

Off the back of this post, I had numerous private messages from friends, and acquaintances on my friends list, with them telling me their own stories, tales of what helped them, or words of encouragement.

But it disheartened me slightly that the people didn't comment on my post. They didn't share their stores in public. In some cases, it was friends who I speak to very regularly, who admitted their husband/wife/son/daughter were the ones suffering and receiving or seeking help. Yet I didn't know.

 

There is, of course a stigma attached to mental health disorders. No one wants to admit that they have problems with their mental health. There may be many and varied reasons for this, but mental health illness seems to be something that we still do not want to talk about.

 

So I am opening it up. I have suffered for the past twenty years, since the age of 13 with panic attacks and on/off depression. I used to hide it as best I could. I lost friends throughout the years through cancelling dates and making excuses as to why I couldn't go out. Relationships broke down through my inability to go out as a family or for meals, or to go on holiday. Family members have struggled, wanting, but not knowing how they can help, or why I cant just 'snap out of it' or 'pull myself together'. If only it was that easy, I wouldn't be where I am today. A single parent (albeit with a budding relationship on the horizon), jobless and living off savings because I can't leave the house to go to work, and with three kiddos who would love to have the sort of childhood that other children take for granted.

 

So welcome. Stick around, I will try to cover my own personal journey in trying to finally kick this, in addition to the trials and tribulations I face along the way, and hopefully share stories from others, with permission, and look into the help (or lack of) that is available along the way.

 

Look after you,

Kirsty.